at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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