why didn't you poke me back
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
