I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
