i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, beer. Big fan.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
