3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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