girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
