She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
