I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I wish you could order shots online.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
