I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
