I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
