Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You need Xanax blowdarts
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
