I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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