he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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