Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
