Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
