so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
