I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
