I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
