I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
