hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
