I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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