i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
