apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
