I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
