Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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