Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
