Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
