ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
