WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
