The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
