Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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