No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
