Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
4 words: hood of his car
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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