I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
