I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
