I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
