omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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