My sheets look like a crime scene.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Randomize
