there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
