The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
How external is "for external use only"?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
