So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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