you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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