This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just found puke in my bra..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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