Tell her she can't have a vagina
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
