So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
