Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
