Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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