You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
BRING THE BAGELS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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