it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
