I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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