Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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