He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
