woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
